Friday, 12 November 2010

Can you believe it!

The Internet is getting more and more bizarre. It's very difficult to decide who is pulling which bit of whose anatomy.

I was prepared to believe that a fake-tanning company might call itself Fake Bake, and they might even claim that their fake tan prevents ageing by stopping sunlight reaching the skin, but I find it incredible that they'd have the gall to declare that their product called Platinum Face Self Tan contains the "latest anti-ageing ingredient Phyto-CellTec Malus Domestica" . They claim that this was created from stem cells extracted from the rare Swiss apple called Uttwiler Spatlauber(see fakebake.co.uk/shop.html). The apple's totipotent cells have been "harnessed" it says. They're selling it at £29.95p a bottle.

I think it should be called Brass Neck rather than Platinum Face, though Bare-faced Robbery might be equally appropriate, especially from those pallid people who are Half-Baked enough to pay £30 for a Fake Bake apple, even a rare Swiss one with an umlaut. On the other hand a bit of totipotency might not go amiss at my age.

On the similar 'can you believe it!' theme, is the report at bit.ly/newageterror that "New Age terrorists have harnessed the power of homeopathy for evil".

"Homeopathic weapons represent a major threat to world peace" allegedly said President Obama, "they might not cause any actual damage but the placebo effect could be quite devastating".

The BBC's security correspondent Frank Gardner allegedy said "Large numbers of people would believe that they have been killed or injured and hospitals would be unable to cope".

These bombs are so very daangerous of course because, according to the laws of homeopathy, the more that the water-bomb is diluted, the more powerful it becomes. They are in effect Weapons of Mass Dilution, which could bring cities to a standstill.

Meanwhile, new security measures at airports will be needed so that all water will be tested to ensure that none of it is being used to smuggle the memory of an explosive onto a plane. The only defence is for everyone to remain calm, vigilant and to always wear a magic vibrating crystal.

Actually they're a bit late with this homeopathy story. We all learned years ago that if people taking homeopathic medication miss taking their medication for 3 days they can die of an overdose, and I distinctly remember giggling about 60 years ago when the Goon Show claimed that in World War Two we'd saved time and money by manufacturing masses of cardboard cut-out tanks, until the crafty Krauts saw through this wheeze and started dropped cardboard cut-out bombs.

1 comment:

  1. Well, at least the News Biscuit homeopathy story is a spoof. I fear that the Fake Bake thing might actually be genuine. Is there any hope left for us.

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