Wednesday, 21 July 2010

Just once!

Judith Woods wrote a short piece for the Telegraph yesterday (21.7.10) entitled 'A night with the nanny, priceless' in which she described how a friend of hers had been baby-sitting in a 5-star hotel and when she emerged from the hotel at 2 am, looking somewhat tired and dishevelled, she was propositioned by two Russian men who thought she was looking for business. They assured her that money was no object. Judith says the woman's boyfriend was livid but, she writes,"The rest of us, truth be told, felt oddly jealous".

We fellows, musing on the mysteries of life, sometimes wonder how common these little female fantasies are?

I asked my friend Richard (Rich for short, but not for long, which explains his fatal attraction) for his opinion, as he is very knowledgeable in these matters, and he told me that once, long, long ago when they had steam trains with individual carriages, he had been lucky enough to be isolated in such a carriage with a most attractive young woman (MAYW), and the following conversation ensued.

Rich, folding up his newspaper, leaning forward and gazing earnestly into her eyes. 'You know, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen' .
MAYW, smiling demurely 'Oh, thank you'.

Rich, 'In fact you're the most attractive woman I have ever seen in my life'
MAYW, blushing slightly 'Oh really? You flatter me'.

Rich, ' Would you sleep with me for £10?'.
MAYW, deeply offended 'Certainly not, I was never so insulted in all my life'

Rich goes back to reading his newspaper for 10 minutes, then leans forward again.
Rich, 'I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you, but I am in fact a very,very wealthy man and you are absolutely irresistible, and so I wonder whether you'd make me deliriously happy by sleeping with me for just one night for £1 million'.
(I think the later Pretty Woman film pinched his idea actually).
MAYW, sees his Rolex watch and his Gucci shoes. 'Well if it was just the once and we were very discreet, I suppose I, er... Well, yes, I suppose I would'.

Rich says nothing, but goes back to reading his newspaper for 10 minutes, then leans forward again.
Rich, 'I'm still very keen on you, would you sleep with me just once for £20?
MAYW, 'Certainly not, what kind of a girl do you think I am?'

Rich, 'I think we've already established what kind of girl you are, now we're haggling about the price'.

Of course I don't believe a word of it, but I do believe what happened to him last week in his Retirement Home. An elderly lady burst into the recreation room, held her clenched fist in the air and shouted, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me to-night!"
Richard, long past it, looks up wearily from his newspaper and says “An elephant?”
The lady thinks a minute...... “Close enough.”

No comments:

Post a Comment