Monday, 12 July 2010

Never under-estimate old ladies

Speaking of eternal life (July 12th) reminds me that little old grey-haired ladies don't actually live for ever, they just seem to. That may seem sexist, or ageist or sizeist and even hair-colourist, but the fact is that most women are smaller than most men, they tend to live longer, and as women reach old age they often become stooped and stop dyeing and dying. Hence the term 'little old grey-haired ladies' (LOGHL). There's a lot of 'em about.

These LOGHL must never be under-estimated. I realized this many years ago when I attended a night-school class to try to learn German. There was a LOGHL attending who seemed a bit on the slow side, although it gradually became apparent that she spoke quite good German, which wasn't surprising as she'd lived in Germany as a child, and had come to England when Hitler started being beastly to the Jews. She was a shy person, and I thought perhaps slightly retarded mentally, so I tried to chat to her, to give her confidence.
It seemed she had in fact worked as a laboratory techician at Bristol University, where she had met her husband who became a Professor of Physics.
She had in fact worked in his Department and helped in his experiments.
Actually they had between them discovered the pi-meson, for which her husband was awarded the Nobel Prize.

Not all LOGHL are shy, either.

I heard recently about a legal case in a small town in Mississippi where the first witness was a LOGHL. The prosecuting lawyer, wanting to ingratiate himself, asked her "Mrs. Jones, I think you know me, don't you?"
"Oh yes" she said, "I was a friend of your mother's and I've known you since you were a boy and frankly you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs, and you cheat on your wife. Yes, I know you".
The lawyer was stunned, but being quick on his feet (as they are), he pointed across the court-room and said "Mrs. Jones , do you know the defence attorney?"
"Oh yes" she said, "I've know him since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drink problem and he also sleeps around, including with your wife. Yes I know him".
At this the judge felt he had to intervene. He beckoned both attorneys to his bench and in a very low voice, said to them "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair".

1 comment:

  1. Oh this made me laugh like a drain!

    Great joke to end on, but loved how you were being so kind and patient with the little slow lady and she was a GENIUS!

    Ali x