I suppose we can't really complain about crime in our little village when you hear about the dreadful happenings in other parts of the world.
I was hearing from my friend Richard the other day about a promising young footballer from Iraq who'd been brought over to England and signed up by one of the Premier League clubs. After sitting on the bench for a few months he was given his big chance to play for the last 20 minutes against Man. United.
He was sensational, scored two goals in ten minutes.
When he came off the pitch, he naturally rang home to tell his Mum of his amazing success.
She seemed less than elated. "Aren't you pleased for me Mum, is there something wrong? "
"I should say there is! Your father was shot in the street last night, your sister was gang-raped and beaten this morning and your young brother was caught dealing in drugs this afternoon".
"Oh, Mum I'm so sorry!"
"You should be sorry, it's your bloody fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place."