When our daughter and her family came to stay with us last week, my son-in-law and I were as helpful about the house as we usually are. So close are we to being Domestic Gods that my wife and my daughter have signed the pair of us up for an advanced course in Domestic Goddery. I've seen the programme and it looks quite good actually.
It takes the form a series of evening classes and is run by an organization called WIC (Women in charge). They're limiting the classes to a maximum of 8 participants owing to the complexity and difficulty of the course.
The subjects which will be covered, according to the brochure, are:
1. How to fill ice-cube trays: A step-by-step guide with a slide presentation.
2. Toilet rolls- Where do they come from, or do they grow on the holders?: A round-table discussion.
3. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor: Initial practise with models and graphics and later with a real basket.
4. Dirty dishes and coffee cups- do they levitate and fly into the dishwasher by themselves? Debate among a panel of experts.
5. Finding things- how to look in the right place without turning the house upside down, yelling, swearing and blaming other people.
6. Empty milk and orange juice cartons - Part 1: Do they belong in the fridge?
Part 2. Should one ever notify a competent authority if a carton is ever found to be empty?
Group discussion and role play.
7. Health watch - Will bringing her flowers for her birthday or anniversary damage your health?
8. Is it genetically possible for a real man to sit quietly whilst she reverses into a tight parking space? Breathing techniques during driving simulation.
9. The ideal shopping companion.
Part 1. What is patience?- A psychologist explains, with meditation and relaxation exercises.
Part 2. Appropriate and inappropriate comments in a variety of situations.
10. How to remember important dates. Bring a calendar and a pencil.
I think I shall learn a lot from it, even though I've already had some experience; I did a beginner's course where I learnt that a woman's place is in the kitchen and a man's place is in the wrong.